Letters

I was reading some of the archives of one of my friends’ fabulous blog and discovered post where she wrote a letter to her 12-year-old self. Got me thinking. I know I wrote a letter to myself to be read at the ripe old age of 18 when I was 10, but I’ve never thought of going in the opposite direction.

When I was 12 I thought I’d change the world. I was your standard goody-two-shoes student and my greatest ambition was to get a good education. I guess I thought subconsciously that I’d do something great early on. I wanted to write a novel, that’s still on my list. I wanted to go to NC State and be a vet, so that’s one of the two done. I took for granted that I’d have lots of interesting friends and a significant other by the time I was 22. I certainly have a few interesting and close friends, but no significant other. I thought I’d have a good job and have figured this whole ‘life’ thing out, I figured I’d be grown-up.

I think that my 12 year old self would be disappointed in me. I was supposed to be doing “cool” things when I was 22, not looking at another five or six years of school to do something that I’m pretty convinced that I want to do….but then again, five years ago, I wanted to go into business. Ha. 22 seemed so old when I was 12. 22 meant I was an adult, that my character had been settled on, that I’d know what I was doing in life.

I would want my 12 year old self to know that life is sometimes scary, but it’s been totally worth it when I’ve pushed my limits. I’d want her to know that it’s normal to question everything and that for a lot of the questions, she’ll have mentors to help her work them out. (And that a lot of them may never be worked out, and that’s ok, too.) I would want her to know that she’ll grow ‘younger’ and more mature in college, learn to have fun and not worry so much, become more capable and more spontaneous. I’d want her to learn that sooner, to remind her 22 year old self to stop taking the safe roads.

I guess I can still make a difference, I don’t know. I’m hoping I’ll figure out what I want to do in life soonish. I feel better with a plan. I have in my head what I want to do, sort of, but I’m not sure how to get there. But then, 32 seems a long way away, much like 22 did when I was 12. A lot can happen in 10 years.

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